i live and breathe hip hop

Here’s what it is. I remember exactly what I was thinking when I took this picture. I was waiting for the subway in Brooklyn. It was January 1st 2011, I took a picture of the date on the projector so I would remember that 2011 is a new year and a fresh start. The past isn’t relevant because I have life ahead of me. It’s funny though because almost four months later I’m looking at this picture, and I’m just thinking about how I want my fresh start now. Because these last four months have been fucking hell. I just want to go back to the moment when I took this picture and tell myself to hold on and be stronger. Maybe tell myself other things. I don’t know. I was happier then. Even though it was in the slightest. 

the thing I realized is if I don’t get out of this place, I’ll just use drugs as my means of escape and I’ve already started and I miss feeling like things matter. 

christopher12v:

kaleyoutloud:

… I want to do all of these things with Ari.

Sometimes I’ll be so stoned out of my mind, and I just think of a scene from Fight Club that is so relatable to the current moment. For instance, I was just walking downtown stoned two days ago, all that kept coming to my mind was the scene where Tyler says “If you died right now, how would you feel about your life” and the narrator says  ”I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life”. It’s just the way I feel. I’m just lost.

I had a tumblr for over a year which consisted of me posting whatever the fuck I was feeling. Then I changed schools and people I know in real life could see everything I posted and I realized I was so restricted to only posting what I could. So I’m making a new tumblr so I can soak up in some alone, post what I’m feeling and just not care. Because I’m so alone I’m going to desperate measures.